high people should be assigned attendants
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
