I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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