Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
