Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
