I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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