He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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