Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
