There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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