in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
