I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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