ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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