i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
