I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
id be glad to
I will die if light touches me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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