I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize