I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
