woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
