could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
