Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
