I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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