P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
