I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
