you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
