I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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