I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I could make wine with my vomit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
