His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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