I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
