I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
