i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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