i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
