I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
