you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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