Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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