you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
