Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
