i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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