Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i've created a new STD.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
