I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am available for nakedness
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
