how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
