Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
