I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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