and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
