I love black thongs
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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