You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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