Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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