He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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