what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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