can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
