it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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