I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
