I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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