we made out on top of his cat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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