Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
