Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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